Advice to my younger self
February 16, 2011 § Leave a comment
Dear 18 Year Old Jenny,
I could say that you shouldn’t be dating that boy since all he does is make you cry or that you should be using your time more wisely and not procrastinating when you really should be studying– when you’re accidentally watching a marathon of Dr. 91210, a show you can’t stand, because you can’t reach the remote, I really think that’s a sign that you should be doing something more productive, just saying— or to be yourself– okay, let’s face it, you’re going to be yourself whether you try hide your quirky self or let it shine because your personality is like a durian fruit— or that mom and dad are pretty much right about everything. But you probably won’t listen very well and take the advice. Plus the advice is pretty broad and general, so here are some tips that aren’t wibbly, wobbly, time-y, wime-y, convoluted life changing advice but they are very convenient if I were to know about them earlier in my life.
1. If you burn yourself, wet the burn with cold water and then dump, not sprinkle, a mountain of salt on it. How will you know if it’s enough salt? It should look like a miniature Mount Kilimanjaro. Wait around ten minutes and then wash it off. You know it’s working because you should feel the heat disappearing.
2. Buy the international version of your textbooks. The content is the same; usually the version is paperback so it’s lighter and more portable; the book is new so no messy, ugly handwritten notes that probably won’t be of much help; and it’s a fraction of the cost, like one-tenth of the bookstore price, which really is the main reason and the rest are just the rainbow sprinkles, caramel syrup, and the maraschino cherry on top. And let’s face the truth, besides the fact that you’ll only end up getting around $40 for the $210 textbook, you’re not actually going to get around to standing in line, are you?
3. If you have a run in your tights– stop that, stop, you scrunch your nose in disgust and disbelief, but, yes, you will love tights and your legs will look amazing in them–, brush clear nail polish on top of it. The run stops running and is frozen in time. It’s kind of magical.
4. Use eyeshadow primer, even if you’re just wearing eyeliner because you know that halfway through the day the eyeliner line will smudge and fade. There’s a reason why Urban Decay names their primer, “Potion”. There’s no smudging of eyeliner or creasing or fading of eyeshadow color. And it lasts for hours.
5. Put the bread in the freezer, it’ll last for months. Don’t put cakes, cupcakes, or muffins in the refrigerator because it will quickly dry out the crumb even if it’s just overnight. Leave them out on the counter, lightly covered.
6. When playing Apples to Apples, the winning cards are “Helen Keller” and “Plumber’s Crack”.
24 Year Old Jenny