Three Cup Chicken

July 7, 2010 § 1 Comment

Over the 4th of July weekend, Wayne went to Las Vegas with a couple of his guy friends he’s known since childhood to properly celebrate his best friend turning 21. I decided to visit one of my friends from USC who had moved to Philadelphia roughly two years ago and is about to move to Tennessee at the end of the month. Roughly two years ago I promised I would visit her in Philadelphia. When I found out that she would soon be moving to Tennessee, I booked a bus ticket because I only had a couple weeks to make good on a promise that I had more than two years to keep.

When I travel, the only thing I like doing, really, is eating. When I’m not eating, I’m reading reviews on yelp to figure out where to eat next. For one of our meals, I picked a Chinese restaurant in Chinatown that also served decent Taiwanese food, because, after a year of dating a Taiwanese guy and almost always eating Taiwanese food when eating out, I was kind of craving beef noodle soup and three cup chicken.

On ordering off the “secret” Chinese/Taiwanese menu at Empress Garden in Philadelphia:

Me: Uh oh. There’s a problem.
Shabad: Hmm? What’s that?
Me: Er, you know how most Chinese places have two menus? Like they have the regular menu and then they have the “secret” menu for Chinese people?
Shabad:  There’s a secret menu?
Me: Yeah, secret as in there’s no orange beef on it. [points to “Orange Beef” written in English on the front of the menu] They have a menu reserved for customers who want more traditional dishes…only this one is written in Chinese [flips menu to the back and shows the lines and lines of Chinese characters– of which, I can only understand the characters for “three” and “beef”]
Shabad:…Erm.
Me: I’m going to call Wayne…and ask him to order for me.

[calls Wayne]

Wayne: Hello?
Me: Hiiii. How do you say “three cup chicken”?
Wayne: San bei ji
Me: [repeats in a manner that closely resembles Joey from “Friends” when he was trying to learn French phonetically]
Wayne: San bei ji
Me: …Okay, ermmm, I’m going to call you back when our waitress comes by so you can order for me.
Wayne: [completely unfazed, unperturbed, un-weirded out that he is being asked to order for his girlfriend while he is in Vegas and she is in Philadelphia] Okay.
Me: Please pick up the phone! In a couple minutes! Or I’ll starve!
Wayne: Okay, I will.
Me: Bye!

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§ One Response to Three Cup Chicken

  • Insouciance says:

    DUDE! Why didn’t you tell me about the secret menu?? I didn’t know they had one till my parents visited this year! And that was only at this place in Santa Barbara with teracotta soldiers and weirdass ‘zen’ fountains at the entrance. You mean they ALL have secret menus? RAAAaaRrrRRggghhhhh I think I’m choking on my secret rage gggaaaarrrrrraaahhhhggrrggghh

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