J’étais amusé

June 18, 2008 § Leave a comment

My dad and I were driving to work in the morning, and as we were driving through an intersection, a man sped through his red light and just barely missed us. My dad was busy lecturing me on how to study for my classes in the fall while I was listening to music so he was driving slowly across the intersection and he only realized what could possibly happen just a couple seconds beforehand. The man who decided not follow certain driving laws of stopping for solid red lights had this look of horror and shock and barely recovered enough to swerve to the right.

Time did seem to slow a little, at least in retrospect but that really is just my whims, but my memories of my life did not flash before my life nor did the faces of the people I love. Instead, my inner Lewis Black came mentally roaring out as if his etheral self half floated out of my body just to scream and rant with his characteristic anger spasms and spit and trembling hands of inability to comprehend human stupidity: “Seriously? Honestly, it’s a red light…at a busy intersection…where the fuck were you when you thought you could beat the yellow light?! 100 meters away?!…how stupid do you have to be to have the audacity to be that shocked? that horrified?! at the reality of hitting a car when you’re running a red light. That fucking red light was fucking red for at least 20 seconds dumbfuck!…You’re 65 years old! Even if you had a wife in labor you don’t need to rush– she’ll be in labor for at least 10 fucking hours and she’ll want to kill you because she’ll just be thinking that it’s all because of you that she’s in pain– why fucking rush!?

So, that’ll be me when I die: too preoccupied by my disbelief at human stupidity to pay attention to the obligatory slideshow of my life.

Sounds about right.

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