Sex and Ramen

On my choices during a guessing game:

Jeff*: Guess what I did sunday night?
Jenny: …Ermmm…Had sex?…Ate ramen?…Ate ramen while having sex?
Jeff: Haha I did not have sex.
Jenny: I wonder if that says something about me…reaching in the dark, the two things I come up with are sex and ramen.

*This Jeff is not Honey Bear’s Jeff. There are so many Jeffs.

Paperclip

On borrowing a paper clip:
Jenny: Do you have a paperclip I could borrow and not give back to you this lifetime but possibly the next lifetime if we meet and the roles for this scenario are reversed?
Friend:…You mean, a paperclip you can keep?
Jenny: Yes.

Old Conversations

Two vignettes of conversations I’ve had from a long time ago– I’m kind of surprised I remembered them but they made me laugh so hard when I first heard them so maybe that’s why I remembered them. I wanted to write them somewhere so I can find them in case I forget:

On why my friend stopped being a vegetarian (seven years ago during French class in high school):
Friend: I used to be a vegetarian for four years.
Jenny: How come you stopped?
Friend: I got hungry.

On eating healthy (last year when she and Jeff stopped by to see our new apartment):
Wynee: I ate a cucumber salad and a grapefruit. I was really full until I had to pee. Then I was hungry again.

Twitter Filter

Reason why my Twitter page doesn’t have as many tweets as it could have*:

Jenny: I used more words to describe the huge-ness of my ass than anything else in the email.
Wayne: Hahahahah
Jenny: Can I tweet that?
Wayne: No.

*I get the feeling everyone is thankful for Wayne.

Nala

On her dog’s neurotic and slightly pathetic personality

Cheng: She’s like a Greek tragedy. I was going to say that she’s a character from a Greek Tragedy but she’s the whole fucking Greek tragedy.

Toddler Whisperer (ie. I have no clue why this worked)

On how to calm down a toddler (I honestly did not think this would ever work):

Little girl in a shopping cart, at TJ Maxx: [opens her mouth and starts to cry loudly]
Jenny, from a couple racks away: [smiles and waves]
Little girl in a shopping cart: [slows down her fussing and crying]
Jenny: [smiles and puts finger to lips and makes an inaudible "shhh"]
Little girl in a shopping cart: [stops fussing and looks confused]

Silence for a minute

Little girl in a shopping cart: [wiggles in her seat and makes a fussy face]
Jenny: [smiles and waves]
Little girl in a shopping cart: [confused stare]
Jenny: [smiles and puts finger to lips and makes an inaudible "shhh"]
Little girl in a shopping cart: [stops fussing]

Repeat two more times before the mom pushed the cart away while being none the wiser

Meta

On the genre of this blog:

Simon: How did your food blog turn into a fashion blog?
Jenny: It was never a food blog. There are also a bunch of drawings on there, too.
Simon: Well, food/random.
Jenny: It’s just a blog.
Simon: 80% of the time it was about food so I figured it was a food blog.
Jenny: Nah, only 80% of February and March. Before, it was a lot of conversations, and, before then, it was a lot of lists. I figure in the long run, it’ll all just mash together into something.
Simon: It’ll definitely be interesting to re-read in 20 years.

Puppy Talk

On miscommunication:

Neighbor dog: ARf! ARrrrrrrrrF! (Hey hey who are you?)
Jenny: ARf! ArF! (Banana ice cream! Spatula!)
Neighbor dog: ??…arf? (??…Eh?)

Hyperbole and a Half Book

On Hyperbole and a Half releasing a book:

Simon: Hyperbole and a Half is coming out with a book next year.
Jenny: Thank God. I can’t wait.
Simon: Haha Were you waiting for it?
Jenny: I need a hardcopy to store in my survival kit when there is a zombie apocalypse. It’s good to have humor.
Simon: That’s a good point. Maybe I’ll buy it too.

(FYI, my favorite post by Hyperbole and a Half is this one: Dogs don’t understand basic concepts like moving)

Chemistry Dramas

On learning methods for chemistry class:

Jenny: I think I would have been better at chemistry if there were more drama.
Wynee: Drama? You mean in the class? With the people?
Jenny: No, I mean, you know how girls sometimes remember things better if it’s gossip? I wish chemistry had more drama to tell a better story, like if the carbon atom desperately only wanted to be the oxygen atom but the hydrogen atom was trying to steal the oxygen atom away. But the truth was the hydrogen atom just wanted to get with any atom because it was lonely?
Wynee: You’re really weird.